ive had the hardest time freeing myself of him. i could not for the life of me figure out why. i've pushed him away so many times, and always end up back at square one. it finally hit me that i'm that girl that i said i never wanted to be. it's embarrassing, not to mention pathetic, but i've finally figured out the root for my addiction to him.
I can be myself. i'm me with him. whatever i feel like saying i can say. whatever i feel like doing i can do. w/o the worry of being judged or laughed at or berated for. and my God it feels....freeing. yes the very thing i'm bound to frees me. it makes no sense. Because i feel free to be me, i want him to have the same freedom. Where nothing said or done is judged. i want him to have the same freeing feeling when he's around me.
i can't even articulate this feeling well. i'm not doing it justice. i've only felt this way with one other person. i don't know what happens next with this. it will probably end badly, but if i could share this with the masses i would.
so just in case, this is it, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be myself with you.