Thursday, November 14, 2013

Young, Dumb, and full of...

Had a convo with my brother tonight. usually i think his advice would be best used on someone else, but not tonight. He got me thinking. Why was i attracted to a certain type of guy?
A really good guy friend once told me that I was attracted to projects. I like to fix people problems. Well I like to attempt to fix  people problems. That always resulted in failure.
But there was this one guy. We’ll call him Mr. Smith. This man was a man. With all of the others I had something over them. I was smarter book wise, older, had a better handle of money, and career focused. Not this one, he was a few years older, welltraveled, not intimidated, and taught me things, that no one else ever had.
He taught me how to buy a dress shirt for a man, how to tie a tie, that panties and bras should match lol, and other things I won’t mention here. He would drive an hour one way just to spend time with me and then drive me back an hour home.
He cooked for me all the time and I don’t mean fried bologna and eggs. Once he made cheesecake for me from scratch, it was sooo good.
 He made me want to be better. He challenged me. Made think beyond books…and I want that back.
I was too young then, and didn’t realize what I was losing. We ended amicably, and ran into each other a year later. By then I’d changed too much, I wanted to show I was over him (i wasn’t).
Mr. Smith is married now. Heard he has 2 kids. I’m happy for him.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

My brain on hormones

*on pinterest* Oh that place is beautiful i need to go there ——> but i don’t want to go there alone ———> but i probably will, i mean i’m damn near 30 and single and some places you don’t want to go with girlfriends———> plus they’re all married / engaged anyway ———> which is really mind boggling. they got chose & i didn’t—————> *deep sigh* *throat gets tight*—> *eyes water* ——-> all of my exes are married, WITH KIDS ————-> *blinks back tears* ———-> maybe there is something wrong with me——-> *picks up pen writes down flaws*———> oh God at this rate i’ll never…don’t say it ———-> *flips page over writes down accomplishments*———> who gives a $h*t degrees can’t cuddle———>*begins searching for PhD programs*———> damn these people look smart—————-> but i’m smart too——-> a smart @$$ at times, but smart nonetheless——-> *remembers someone saying* guys don’t like smart girls——-> but guys like girls with nice bodies ———> *does 25 crunches*———-> *checks facebook writes a fake congratulations on an engagement, wedding, baby or job promotion* ———> my life sucks huge b@ll$————> *throat gets tight and water works start*————>WHY?????? ————-> *some inspirtional/religious quote gets read*———> *dries eyes* ———> its just not your time right now, it doesn’t mean never. I should go on a trip——-> searches pinterest for places for singles to travel
*It’s only been 5 minutes*
This is probably one of the most honest things i’ve written. I’m kind of embarassed, but its the truth.