Monday, September 30, 2013


i don't like suffering. in fact i despise the idea that for some period of time, i will be in some sort of pain, and in some way it is for my good/growth/betterment.

i'm in a very interesting place in my life. This is the first time, that things are not going smoothly according to plan. don't get me wrong i've definitely had hiccups in my life, but on the whole, i set goals/plans, and have been able to see those things come to fruition. But it seems that beautiful time of my life has come to a whip-lashing halt. my life is not going according to plan; i do not have the job/salary i thought i'd have; i do not live in the place i thought i'd live; my new friends have become a grouping of very odd/different personalities; on the whole i am not a happy camper.

i feel like i am just maintaining. Nothing exceptionally grand has happened.  in short God is sustaining me, and i can't say that i'm fond of this place He has me. See the idea of eternity is a very burdensome concept to not only understand, but accept. Eternity feels like eons away. i can't compare eternity to anything, and its not tangible to me.

When i was 12 i started to become more rebellious. The rod was not spared from me. This one particular time, i remember having a conversation with myself. As my mother went for the belt, and i followed, i began to think
"This is only temporary pain, and i will not give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry"

i became incessantly bold, and with my head high, shoulders squared i defiantly took my punishment. Just as i had determined, it was short, temporary pain. I turned to leave the room, and gave an obstinate "hhmmpf". i could feel my mother's anger beginning to rise. That was the beginning of a new type of punishment...grounding.

 Right then i understood that there will be painful things that happen to us, but its only temporary. So why do i struggle so much when considering suffering. Romans 8:17 makes it transparent that suffering will happen, and as children of God this is part of our journey, but its temporary, and suffering is not how it ends for us. The verse goes on to say that we are co-heirs, and will share in Christ's glory. That is the hope that I cling to. i'm not in this alone.  i have a big brother who completely understands what i'm dealing with, and one day the suffering of this broken world will cease.


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