Wednesday, May 1, 2013

sex lies & other stuff

There was a time when having sex with 1 person meant something. Now days finding someone who has only had 1 sexual partner is only more challenging than finding a virgin. i'm not saying that there isn't something 'sacred' about saving yourself for marriage, but  would i go back and change when i lost my virginity, no.

i had a conversation with someone last night and i explained that sex to me is just that...sex. Dogs do it on the side of the road, camera crews film the mating habits of gazelles, and for the low, low price of $19.99 one can purchase the viewing rights to individuals in the act.

So for me, the physical act of sex, does not move me to love. i don't think my soul is tied to a person based on one physical act. By no means should i be the measuring stick for anything, my past experiences and actions were influenced by a lot of dysfunction. But do i feel anyway tied to a young man i had a physical relationship to when i 19, heck no.

What does move me is intimacy. spending time with someone and truly getting to know them. Learning their fears, goals, set backs, family function/dysfunction, favorite food, movie, song; learning his family nick name, and swearing not to share it with anyone else; sharing my family frustrations, explaining why i cope the way i cope; disclosing all the past hurts, and finding in solace in them accepting those ugly parts of me.

 Those are the things i fall in love with. Don't get me wrong, whomever i marry sex will definitely be a major part of our relationship, but only  a part of it.

 My marriage will not be defined by the number of times my partner and i have sex.in a week. it will be defined by our conversations' how we pull through difficulties; knowing that he will hate me some days and i likewise; how we raise our children; our relationships with our in laws; memories of our earlier times together, and the hope of our future together.

Again i'm not saying that my view is right, i'm just sharing my view.