Tuesday, September 11, 2012

big girl

i've gained like 7-10lbs. and now i'm a whopping 185 :(  i'm not so concerned
my weight as much as how it looks on me.  i look like a pregnant woman, i've  never had a child.  So i'm going to get back on my fitness/health grind.

School  is back in session, and i am in desperate need of a vacation. I haven't had a real break, in quite a while. I returned from my internship, and started back to work and school.

my weight and appearance definitely have an effect on my confidence.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Thursday, August 2, 2012

forward movement

so i've been @ DoS for about 6 weeks now. things have not become easier or clearer. The left hand seems not to know what the right hand is doing, and even when i complete a task, i'm only given partial information, and find myself feeling continuously lost. i feel incompetent, not because i'm not capable of doing the work, but i'm working with a group of people that seem to either:
1. don't want to be here
2. have a narrow view of the work being done
3. aren't open to change
4. in it for themselves
5. just don't care

This all leaves an intern in a very uncomfortable, and frustrating situation.  For example: I was given a task, and my directions were hand written on a sticky note, one sticky. The person that was to assist me with this task, received complete instructions via email, i was never cc'd on the email.  When called upon this person never shared their information with me. What's worse is that when i'd asked for more instruction she acted as if she never understood what was going.  i just read the email today, there is no way this person could not have understood the instructions given to her.  The end result is now students who have been waiting for this paperwork to clear, are now delayed in starting their program.

guess who looks incompetent, ME. This is just one scenario, of the day-2-day foolishness, i deal with. The systems in place are not efficient, and far from sustainable, but when change is offered the response "that's not how we used to do it" is given. Of course that's not how you formerly did things, most of you had no concept of a computer, much less the internet, and look how much more we are capable of accomplishing now. if people continued to do things the way "it used to be done" i'd been chained up somewhere, or worse.

Change is good.  It's not always easy, but if you're not moving forward, you will become stagnant, and eventually obsolete.

i have 4 more weeks, and though i'm grateful for this experience, i'm forced to ask myself, "self, is this what you want to do, for the next _ years?"  lately the answer has been no.  There are programs that i would love the opportunity to work with, but will this 10 week experience, change my interest.

"stagnation leads to degradation"

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

so much has been going on, my emotions have been everywhere. i've been trying to meditate on John 15 trying to understand the true definition of abiding in Christ.

Friday, July 13, 2012

today is Friday the 13th on 7/13, and i am in my feelings today.  its me, but if you were new to an organziation, and no one knew you, adn you were the only person of color, wouldn't it have been nice to talk to the intern?????? i tried to make conversation, but was ignored several times.

i JUST WANT TO GO HOME! i'm really in my feelings right now :(

Friday, July 6, 2012

pick'n up where i left off

i made it thru the next week, but forgot to share some things from last weekend.
i had the prviledge of helping an older Ethiopian woman to her final destination via the Metro. idk who her son is but he's awful who let's their 65+ mother, who doesn't speak English, take a trip from DC to Virginia alone. 
Well this week i enjoyed the 4th of July at our Nations Capitol!!!! i walked with a roomie to the capitol concert then watched fire works! it was amazing i'll post pics.

Work has been challenging, but really great! i've been enjoying the city, after work, i pic a random place to go, hop on the bus/metro and enjoy the ride. Today, i went to Amsterdam Falafel shop in Adams Morgan district. i also went to sweet themed bakery, i bought one pretty in pink cupcake and one sweet potato cupcake. i then wandered in to a little boutique called violet boutique. the boutique was celebrating  its 1yr. birthday, the satff was really helpful and nice. i bought two shirts.

i rode the bus, with no true direction, and ended up at the Washington National Cathedral, and after taking in the scenery, i hopped back on the bus and enjoyed the 50 minute ride back home.

This weekend I want to explore U Street area, go to Ben's Chili bowl, Cake love, Howard University, and whatever places draw me in!!!!

i'll post picutres soon!!!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

cheers to the freakin weekend

This has been my first full week in DC, but let me recap my weekend:
Friday after work i walked from Metro Center to the house, it was great. I walked by the MLK Library, through Chinatown, heard two bands play on the street, went window shopping, found the National council for Negro Women, walked around the capitol, went to Kyoto Japanese restaurant and had tegadashi and sushi.

Saturday, i went to help Jaz move, met her neighbors, went to the bar she works at and got lots of free drinks, on the way to Jaz's apt. we met this guy who works for metro, he's super cute and loved my sarcasm and called me witty.

I'll finish up tomorrow

Monday, June 25, 2012

Day 1 in DC

Yesterday was my first full day in DC, and it has been nothing short of amazing.  I started my day walking to Union Station, then mapping out my route to the Dept.of State. The DoS is maybe a 7 min. walk to the Lincoln Memorial, so i meanderd down to see honest Abe before heading back towards George Washington University. I stopped to buy a few things at Whole Foods, then made my way back to the house.

Jaz is in law school at Howard, and we met up for dinner, at the sign whale, which turned into a walk around the Farrugut area of the triangle.  She bumped into a few associates, and we hung out with them for a while. These young men are the sons of politicians, senators, etc. so it was interesting talking to them about their live in DC, their career aspiriations, and the perks of having a well known parent.

I thought i knew how to get back to the house, but what took me 45 min going, took 1.5 returning.  All in all sore feet, great time spent with Jazz, and solid networking.

Today was my orientation, and it went by smoothly, until it was my turn to get my paperwork processed for my i.d. for some reason i always get in the line that is destined to take the longest amount of time. So after watching 5 other people zoom past me, i finally was on my way to find the office i'll be working in.

i have the perfect internship, i'm working on programs that focus on international students and their journey to a US higher education. i'm super excited about the opportunities that this internship will open up for me, and the work i'll be able to do while here in D.C.

working out is going to be easy, today i walked about 7 miles, and found some really neat (yea i said it) places in my area.

well that's all for now, i'm tired, but may go for another walk, to work off my food.  Oh my goal is to only consume 900 calories a day, and then work off as much as possible. i want to lose the 10lbs. i've gained back since leaving Japan.

Already these todays have been amazing, and i look forward to what great things are in store.


Thursday, June 14, 2012

wasting time

Its funny how time works. when you want it to move fast, it feels like its creeping. When you want it to slow down, somehow, it speeds past you. The other amazingly, wonderful thing about time is that even when you feel like life is at its bleekest, it keeps moving. It doesn't give you the luxury of  stagnation. It keeps going, one second, one tick, at a time. 

A few years ago i was so hurt. Wishing, hoping, and praying that time would rush by, and i would feel like me again. That my heart wouldn't hurt anymore, but time being its constitent self never rushed.

Now i couldn't feel better. in a week, i will be flying to DC to  start a 10 week internship, with the department of state. my life has been so much better than what i could dream up. i'm thankful to God for helping me realize that the sad season in my life was crucial to my growth. Looking back i feel so silly now, wishing i could just stay in my sad, pitiful moment. Its laughable to think about how much time i wasted on something that wasn't meant to be.

No more wasting time

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Summer 1

So much has happened this month so here's the recap:
    Moved in wtih five, thats right 5 other women (verdict is still out)
    I got an internship with the Dept. of State in DC, and our VP offered to cover my housing
    My uncle C passed away
    I'm a  writer for a new online magazine!!!
Just wanted to share a few major events that have occured this summer. i'll be back with more soon!!!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

fidelity & forgiveness

so today i had a conversation with my brother, and a friend of his, about fidelity and forgiveness.

me: so would you forgive your wife if she cheated on you?
them: HECK NO
me: wth @#$%#@%^$#%W%^%%&$^*%*(%&$
them: you don't understand
me: clearly not, when people say for better or for worse, i understand what worse may include
them: let us explain
me: don't i'm done, i'll be sure to tell my daughters don't forgive their husbands bcs. it won't be reciprocated. i'm not getting married.

the end.

This topic is one that is clearly very difficult for me to understand, and accept. These men i spoke with are followers of Christ, and i could be wrong, but forgiveness, was a major sermon he preached. What angered me the most was that they didn't even think before they answered. it was a loud HECK TO THE NAW. i feel that women are too forgiving. We, for whatever reason, can forgive multiple times before it finally gets through our thick skulls, that we're being taken advantage of. some may call it long suffering, i call it dumb broads. if you think i'm going overboard ask your husbands, boyfriends, brothers, or guy friends the question and see how they respond.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

finally, first year

I just emailed my last paper for my first year of the Higher Ed. progam. I've already received 2  A's , i'm pretty sure i've got all A's again!!! So what's been new with me, recently my mom and i reconnected with old friends from Tulsa. It was great seeing everyone. Amazingly things just fell into place as if 12yrs.hadn't gone by.
haven't worked out in a little over a week, with finals, and everything me and the trainer have had crazy schedules. the 2nd annual UNT student portrait symposium, went exceptionally well. Glad its over!

This weekend marks 10yrs.since i graduated from high school. Our class reunion is on Saturday, i can't believe how fast time goes by.

Vegas is about 2 weeks away, i'm super excited!!!

well that's all for now,

Wednesday, April 18, 2012


today was my third workout. my trainer had me doing circuit training. the thing about me is i will  whine, cuss, heck dang near cry, but i push  through.  Honestly was the best i felt after my workout.  here 's the vid:

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

this weekend was super busy, super great
Friday I met up with a group of Divastating women for sisterhood week, for lunch, I love my DST. While there i was reminded of how much we can accomplish when we work toward the same goals, rid ourselves of petty discourse, and truly appreciate the awesomeness that is woman.
Saturday i went to Tulsa, for a concert, it was soo cool watching my brother minister to people. I also got to catch up with friends i hadn't seen in over 10years. Began building some great relationships, and learned a lot about

Day 2

for this mini-series i figured vlogging would be easier, so here it is:

Monday, April 9, 2012

Day 1 of...

get it right get it tight. Today was my first day with my trainer Gene. I wasn't feeling well, and had a busy event, and my smart behind decided to wear heels today?! So my feet were already in so much pain. To top it off i had an event today that ran longer than what i expected, so i power walked home, with my aching feet, changed clothes, then dang near ran to my session, so i was already tired. Fast forward to after 45 gut busting minutes, where i thought i would hurl any second. i'm trying to walk home, that's right trying, becuase i have no clue what happened to my legs, i just know that it hurts to think about walking. 
My previous 7 minute walk, turned into a 15 min crawl home. when i got to the bottom of the stairs i just sighed...it was pathetic.  i finally made it home, got straigt in the shower rolled into the bed, then called my mom who LOL'd at me the entire time.
here is my video...

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs

( i love that book) i think that's the best way to describe the week thus far. A student passed away on Monday, Tuesday 15 tornados touched down in my city, and surrounding areas; Wednesday a staff member that was doing great things for Black studentswas fired, and today we'll see what's in store.

Yesterday was interesting becasue i was reminded of the call on my life. my life's work is based around international  educational policy. i LOVE learning about other cultures, and while getting my hair braided i was overwhelmed with contentment, and i did nothing. i sat in a chair for 7 hours, and just took in everything and one around me. There were women of every hue, speaking 3 different languages (swahili, french, & english), and i felt like this is how a community is supposed to feel. i can't wait to see where my life goes, and how i will be impacted by the world, and hopefully impact those i'm around. i get soooo excited thinking of the places my passion will take me.

alot has happened, and i'm grateful for it all.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Love God, Love people

this weekend i read a few reports about racism and discrimination that not only irritated the life out of me, they lead me to evaluate my judgemental practices.  yesterday i was reminded how as a Christian i've been given two primary duties:
1) Love God
2) Love people
1 John 4:7-12

These two rules seem very easy to follow, yet i struggle specifically with loving people who i deem lesser than myself. to be frank Ghetto People. i admit i have the hardest time, accepting, dealing with, including, and loving ghetto people. this may sound silly, but really i've gone out of my way to ensure that my dealings with 'ghetto people' are few and far between. so i'm going to try, with the help of the Holy Spirit to be obedient to the word and love people ALL people (Lord help).

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Body image

i had a great conversation with a new friend/mentor, about body image.  She said she too struggled/struggles, with how she views her body. in our conversation she reminded me that God created me the way i am for a reason.  My mom said the same thing a couple of weeks ago, stating that whatever plan he has for me, i needed the body type i was given. This is not easy for me to accept because my mom and sis have a different body type, a smaller body type. i work overtime to try to lose weight, and end up gaining muscle, thus becoming heavier.

it comes down to what i say about my body. The book of  Titus tells us to not be slanderous, that means against ourselves. for me that translates to being mindful of what i watch, what magazines i read, websites i visit, see i'm influenced greatly by all of these things, and the more i concentrate on them, the more challenging it is for me to #1 accept the body type i've been given, #2 not obsess over what i don't look like, #3 envy other's, #4 mistreat my body.

all in all the holy spirit and i have a lot of work to do.

Monday, February 27, 2012

birthday blues

Blue is one of my favorite colors.

My birthday was yesterday, and i have to admit, this year was really laid back and mild. i went to Arkansas,  had a small get together with my family, and just chilled. i reflected on all the amazing things i did last year, and have been trying to come up with a list of super exciting to do this year.
1. dating - somehow this one always makes it on my list
2. vegas - not that i'm a big party person (anymore), but i feel like its a trip to take (tenatively set for May)
3. another country - i want to go out of the country once a year, maybe that's over doing it, but it would be nice
4. nfl/nhl - i've never been to a NFL / NHL game
5. Brazilian - and i don't mean the country

that's all for now toodles

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Black History Month

This was a letter my mom emailed to me today:

Good morning,

Today is. The first day of Black History Month. I wish that I had spent more time when you were younger to teach you about the rich heritage of people God selected you to be born into.

I was thinking this morning about the pain that many of our fore parents experienced in seeing their son and daughters mistreated and killed. But then I remembered that what Satan means for evil God turns into good.

While their lives were shorten here on earth, they we expedited into the presence of God. A place of peace, love, abundance, no more pain, just to name a few. If they could speak to us they would tell us they are in a FAR, FAR, FAR better place.

There is nothing here on earth to be compared. So thank you satan for sending so many of our forefathers on to a better place. No more crying, no more dying, no more hunger, and no more pain!
It is Time to really look at things in a different perspective.

Monday, January 30, 2012

i'm rollin!!!

Today i got my car!!! i am now the proud owner of a 95 Lexus! its my mean green machine...(i just cameup with that) i'm super thankful, this time yesterday i had no car. GOD you are soooooo good, i know i'm not worthy of your faithfulness.Thank you

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Today was a good day. I think its important to take note of the good days. i'm so thankful for the position i'm in and the people that i've been fortunate enough to be around.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

watching my weight

So today was my first day on weight watchers. after watching tons of jHud commercials, and my classmates, i was finally convinced. i get 28 points a day, and an additional 49 for the rest of the week. I worked out and earned 4 activity  points (i still have no clue how that works). i'm going to try this for 3 months, and see how it goes.

Day one i ate one smoothie, which was no points. an apple. pizza which was 10 points, an apple, a frozen light dinner 7 points, and a salad and a cupcake totaling 11 points.

i'm going to need more fruits and veggies

Monday, January 16, 2012

Dear God,

i believe you created all things, know all things, see all things; i believe that nothing happens without your knowledge.  i have to be honest, i know there are a great many things that i don't know, nor do i understand, but i'm finding it quite difficult to practice the things that i've been taught. Loving others, forgiveness, turning the other cheek, etc. Around this time of year, i grit my teeth, cry, ask for forgiveness for my words and thoughts, pray for insight, and cry some more. 

God i know you've seen all the things that African Americans have, and continue to deal with because of peoples prejudice. But for the life of me i can't figure out why you see all, know all, and still allow awful things to happen to us. You created me just like this, but why.  Why create a people that others would deem inferior and mistreat.  All the while those people continue to prosper.

i don't understand it. i don't know why you allow it. i don't know how long evil will continue to prosper. and i don't know how much is too much for us to bear. But i do know that we have overcome incredible obstacles. let down naysayers.  and Continued to trust in You.

So please, please, don't allow all that we have gone, and continue to go through for naught.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

i am not my hair

Hair, a woman's crowning glory. 4 months ago, i decided i wanted a change. my life was in shambles (ok a tad bit overdramatic) i was just in a car accident, and nothing was going right. so i decided to kick kinkiness to the curb, and relax my hair.  4months later, i've decided to grow it natural again. 

why,  you ask.  i miss my curly goodness. i'll be the first to admit natural hair is a lot more to manage, but i really enjoyed the look, and how it made me feel. so i'm going back to my roots (i need to find that tshirt).

i decided it would be easier if i just cut my hair, & maybe it would grow faster.  SN i'm rocking a short cut bob, and hoping for the best.

i'll keep you updated on length, trials and tribulations.

Monday, January 2, 2012

na na na na hey hey hey good-bye

Good Bye 2011,  hello 2012Happy New year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last year was great, the first 6months i lived in Japan, snowboarded, scuba dived, climbed a mountain, lost 30 lbs., survived an earthquake and made some amazing friends. The last 6 months i started school, moved, strengthended my familial bonds, loved on my god babies, met some new people, totalled my car, paid off said car, met a convict (-_-), visited TN, bought a macbook pro, and got a 4.0.  All in all it was a GREAT YEAR!

Now i'm ready for an even better year! i'm not going to list all my resolutions, but i am determined to just enjoy being me, trusting that God's plans for my life are far better than anything i could conjure. Good bye to insecurities and people who are not moving forward or hindering my progress, trying even more new things, and seeing this amazing world!

This year's phrase:
Won't He do it