Because it owns me.
i've finally come up for air today. i finally got 7 hours of sleep in a night, friends are coming to save me today, and release the chains of homework. true these are self inflicted chains, and wounds, but in my defense at the time furthering my education sounded like a great idea.
so outside of this horribleness, that is grad school, here is what's happening to me:
Carless in Denton - yes, my accident was Sept. 26, 2011 and as of December 3, 2011 i'm still without transportation. there are many words, phrases, gestures, and a host of horrible thoughts that rolling around this newly expanded brain of mine.
Who does depression hurt - EVERYONE, especially me, yes people i've been depressed lately. i considered myself an extremely independent person, so having to ask for rides to do things like go to the grocery store, has been overwhelming at times. Not to mention this master's degree owns me (pun def intended). so to deal with this issue, i started seeing a counselor. hi my name is P and i see a counselor, and i'm black.
side bar: why is there a stigma of seeking counseling when one feels depressed. when i'm sick i don't say, well you know what they say about people who go the doctor. hell you go to a doctor because you're sick. a lawyer when you need legal council. so connect the dots people. *steps of soap box, puts its back in purse.
Physical pain - the accident rattled me up pretty bad, i was seeing a wonderful chiropractor, but bcs. of the car situation (see above 'carless') i had to move to Denton, yes move, there was no way for me to get to school/work, bcs. i was paying for my rental out of pocket. 5weeks of that is expensive. so i moved, which meant i had to find a new chiropractor. (they pick me up) Now i've been given medication, some machine that shocks my muscles, and pillow to help with my sleepless nights.
with everything going on, you can imagine the water works, that i've been having. Not to mention, i'm away from my friends and family. i'm only an hour away, but that might as well be Japan, if i can't get to them. the only positive in all of this drama is that when i cry i'm crying out to God. (tear) yes, this mess has drawn me closer, so i guess it needed to happen. i find myself reciting scripture, listening to music that speaks to my spirit, and reminds me that He loves me, has my best interest at heart, and has already made provisions. (wipes tears now flowing down my face).
This semester has been challenging, but i will boast in my weakness. God you are yet faithful and you continue to keep my heart and mind, and for that i thank you.