Tuesday, December 27, 2011

back 2 the basics

after removing my holiday hair, (hair worn strictly for the holidays). i've decided to go back to my natural roots, again.  Relaxed hair was fun, and i looked uber cute, but my hair is revolting, so why fight it. Au Natural, don't call it a come back.  plus i've decided, with my mother, to begin training for a 5/10k, so not worrying about my hair will be helpful.
plus living abroad is easier when you're not concerned with finding an outlet for your flat iron. (ijs)

i'll keep you all posted...nighty night

Monday, December 26, 2011

OH the places i will go

Spending Christmas in Nashville, TN with my sister, and we've had a wonderful time. One of our favorite past times is watching movies. we've watched Kung fu panda, Monte Carlo, mission impossible, and cars 2. These movies all have one thing in common.  They take place abroad.  I'm convinced now more than ever, that i MUST TRAVEL.

i see 2 paths before me. the safe one and the adventurous one.  One that says graduate, get a good job, marriage, kids, blah, blah, blah.
Two says graduate and live abroad. i mean just go for it, get jobs here and there, and live it up.

Lord help i want option 2.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

defying Gravity

Today was my boss's last day. sooo super sad. I didn't cry until i got home, opened my Christmas gift and found a laptop cover, which i so needed, and a c.d. with 6 songs on it. The first song in, i cried.

There is something to be said about people who ignite the fire of success in others. Boss was that person. i'd only spent one semester with her, and she has definitely changed me for the better.

love ya Boss!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

back in the saddle

good news school is over!!! even better news i got all A's wooohoooo. now that that's done.

back in the saddle, weird title, but here it goes.

i've gained sooo much weight, so by in the saddle i mean saddle bags uuuugggghh. i disgust myself right now. well i'm disappointed in myself.  i'm not motivated, i'm cooking again, finals had me all hemmed up, now its cold and rainy, and this new relaxed hair is hindering me. But this has GOT TO STOP.

i don't make new year's resolutions, but i desperately need a work out/running buddy. oh how i miss my Basima. So i'm searching...i have to get back on the workout horse.

Monday, December 5, 2011

so long, fare well

my boss is leaving. she got an amazing job offer in St. Louis, and by the end of the month she'll be moving.   i cried. the day was already going pretty harsh,  earlier i'd called my lawyer to find out the status of my accident case, and the insurance company hadn't contacted them. so i was already on the verge of tears from frustration, so this news just did it.

i feel so blessed to have gotten to spend time with my boss. She's an amazing mentor, and i'll miss our talks.

thanks M.H.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Oh so this is why its called a master's degree...

Because it owns me.

i've finally come up for air today.  i finally got 7 hours of sleep in a night, friends are coming to save me today, and release the chains of homework. true these are self inflicted chains, and wounds, but in my defense at the time furthering my education sounded like a great idea.

so outside of this horribleness, that is grad school, here is what's happening to me:

Carless in Denton - yes, my accident was Sept. 26, 2011 and as of December 3, 2011 i'm still without transportation.  there are many words, phrases, gestures, and a host of horrible thoughts that rolling around this newly expanded brain of mine.

Who does depression hurt - EVERYONE, especially me, yes people i've been depressed lately.  i considered myself an extremely independent person, so having to ask for rides to do things like go to the grocery store, has been overwhelming at times.  Not to mention this master's degree owns me (pun def intended). so to deal with this issue, i started seeing a counselor. hi my name is P and i see a counselor, and i'm black.
   
side bar:  why is there a stigma of seeking counseling when one feels depressed. when i'm sick i don't    say, well you know what they say about people who go the doctor.  hell you go to a doctor because you're sick.  a lawyer when you need legal council. so connect the dots people. *steps of soap box, puts its back in purse.

Physical pain - the accident rattled me up pretty bad, i was seeing a wonderful chiropractor, but bcs. of the car situation (see above 'carless') i had to move to Denton, yes move, there was no way for me to get to school/work, bcs. i was paying for my rental out of pocket. 5weeks of that is expensive. so i moved, which meant i had to find a new chiropractor. (they pick me up) Now i've been given medication, some machine that shocks my muscles, and pillow to help with my sleepless nights.

with everything going on, you can imagine the water works, that i've been having.  Not to mention, i'm away from my friends and family.  i'm only an hour away, but that might as well be Japan, if i can't get to them. the only positive in all of this drama is that when i cry i'm crying out to God. (tear)  yes, this mess has drawn me closer, so i guess it needed to happen.  i find myself reciting scripture, listening to music that speaks to my spirit, and reminds me that He loves me, has my best interest at heart, and has already made provisions. (wipes tears now flowing down my face).

This semester has been challenging, but i will boast in my weakness. God you are yet faithful and you continue to keep my heart and mind, and for that i thank you.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

grad school

Aug. 27th i began my new career: being a full time student, again.  the M.Ed. in Higher Ed is now my new boo. Yes, i'm in a committed relationship with the trinity: Student Demographics, Foundations of Studennt Development, and the History of Higher Ed.  Each of these gentlemen add depth, frustrations, and excitment to my life. my future looks bright.

I have 9 new playground friends. my cohort mates, and i are learning each other, and trying to figure out this grad school thing.  i'm the wise old sage of the group (LOL), i'm the oldest, but i'm enjoying the different perspectives, lifestyles, and life experiences.  i feel really blessed to be a part of this group.

The first semester is quickly coming to a close, and i'm looking forward to next semester's challenges.  this program is 2years, and oddly i feel that is a short amount of time.  i want to:
   Present at a conference
   Get published
   Have an internship outside of Tx
   Study abroad
   Become active in a graduate organization
   Go to 2 national  and 2 loca lconferences

I have the greatest boss for my graduate assistantship, but  more on that later...

~Oh i'm listnening to Christmas music!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Even though the quake didnt hit in my city, i am personally in bits and pieces. broken,

vacation





so i've kind of updated my Nihon experiences, now for life back in the states.
i to back to TX on the 20th of August, my god-sons birthday was the next day, so it was time to be a great Nee-Nee. i love that kid.  a few days later i was on my way to THE BIG APPLE!!!!  We started out the trip almost getting robbed on a train headed to Brooklyn...aaaah nothing like fear to get the blood flowing. 
 Upon arrival to the hotel i noticed, that I didn't have my license.  Yes, i'd lost my license within 3 hours of being in New York.
 ON the upside NYC was/is AMAZING!!!! we walked around staten island, listened to jazz in Central Park, went to the Guggenheim, visited Lady Liberty, caught a movie in Manhattan...and the list goes on.

i had a blast!!! it was the best way to be welcomed back to the states!

4months

it's been 4 months, since my last blog.  i think i was just being lazy, and avoiding dealing with my new reality.

Japan was AMAZING!! my last month included mountain climbing, scuba diving, and a lot of tears.  So here are a few updates:
Basima is married with a baby on the way, while living in Thailand teaching English
Dani is in Holland pursing a graduate degree and being awesome Dani
Amanda is back in Canada, at teacher's college, and still being the life of the party
Brianna is still in Yachiyo, studying Korean, and loving Asia
idk about Jamie, but we weren't close anyway.

oh there's me. i'm back in Dallas/Denton, in graduate school pursuing a Masters in Higher Ed.  This is what i wanted, @least i thought i did.
  Part of me feels like, i led this amazingly great  life, where i actually did things i'd dreamed about, and now i'm just back in school. sigh...
more to come soon...maybe later today

Sunday, July 10, 2011

all or none

i'm black, can't change it, and wouldn't if i could.  That comes with dealing with a lot of things, from wanting to be accepted, changing who i was to be more accepted, and finally saying forget them i am what i am.  And that's where i am in my life, i am who i am, and i love it! 

i love my culture, my people, our struggles, our accomplishments.  no, that doesn't mean i don't think things can, and will get better, but i have truly come to accept who i am, all of it.  now that my eyes have been peeled open, i now also understand why my mother and grandmothers were so adamant about me learning to accept all of my blackness.  i also now understand why they used to warn me to be leery of people who only want pieces of me and not the whole package. 

on a recent trip i brought up that idea. My mother had preached this to me, but i dismissed it.

  When ones culture is widely accepted, i think it is a great way to promote cultural ideas, ideals, and history, but what happens when people only want a fraction of what a particular group has to offer.

example: music 
Music is amazing because it crosses so many boundaries, and racial divides.  Historically artist of color were allowed to play in some venues, that many of their fans/even family, could not enter.   My beef is people taking the style, and swag of what makes black music great, but easily ditching the rest of it.  To those people who say they love black music, but don't accept the artist, i say kick boulders with no shoes on.  Most music comes from an artists experience.  Those experiences, the words, feeling, that's what makes it wonderful.

don't take part of me, but discard the rest of me because you don't like the other parts.  Kindly put me back on my shelf, and let someone who wants and appreciates the whole package enjoy it. it was out of reach anyway

Saturday, June 25, 2011

2011 MTV VMAJ AWARDS!!

Today was the VMAJ Awards!!! the red carpet event celeb walk started @ 2:30, we got there about 1:15, which was great timing. So who waltzes into a red carpet expose event without a ticket, invite, or wristband? you dang right...ME.  The other girl i went with was scared pissless, bwhahahaha.

i don't consider myself an adventurous person, but if there's one thing my friends know i'll do, is walk into an event without being invited/paying/or having a ticket.  i get such a rush from this, i don't like rollercoasters, but i'll walk into a place like i own it in a minute.

There were lots of Korean, Japanese, and Chinese artist.  There were quite a few people there, so the very presence of celebrities brings out the crazies, especially obsessed girls.  There were girls screaming, crying, barely able to stand up...ridiculous.

Here are  few names of the Red Carpet Celebs:
AKB48
AK69
SHINEE

i wish i could tell you more, but after a while, well 10min. i was soo over the screaming, pushing fans. So i put in my headphones, jammed C.Breezy, danced to the music, and watched the spectacle.  H&M was there selling fundraiser t-shirts, scarves, and hair accessories.

all in all great way to spend a Saturday afternoon! Check out the pics

nu year, nu you

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Summa time

i <3 the summer.  I think its the greatest season, mainly because its accounts for 3 of the 4 seasons we're supposed to get in TX.  When i 1st moved to Nihon, i was soo annoyed when people kept asking me "Do you have all 4 seasons?" immediately my answer was a condescending YES.  like what the heck kind of question is that.  There are 4 seasons, not like we get an option, but being here, this is the first time i've truly experienced all 4 seasons.
Usually when i'm home, i have the luxury of leaving my air conditioned house, jumping in my air conditined car, and working in a very air conditioned building. And in those conditions dealing with the summer heat is easy.  Being here, i've decided to protest against summer.  This is utterly ridiculous, its insane. Who in their right mind would willingly wake up in an un-air conditioned house, walk in the draining heat, to work, where, you are greated by an even hotter building.  There's a saying in Japan, Schools are always the coldest and the hottest, and that is the extreme truth.

Dear Summer, please go away. (Winter, that doesn't mean you're welcomed either.)

Nu Year
Nu you

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

All the single ladies

If i  have to read one more blog, book, or fb post about the sad life of single black women, i swear i'll scream. in fact AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! whew that felt good.

There are some things in life one cannot avoid, and having patience is one of those awful things that we must endure. As a child you must wait for your birthday and Christmas.  As a teenager you must wait to date and drive.  And as an adult i am waiting for my frog/prince to hop along, and rescyou me from my humdrum, pathetic life.  Well atleast reading anything about being single will lead you to believe this. 


 idk if its a new trend, or the fact that i'm tre years from 30, but all of a sudden there seems to be a lot more focus for the 'not as pretty', but equally educated and successful black women, to get married.
Do i have friends who are successful, sexy, single, and who happen to be black.  Yes, But i also have successful, sexy, friends of every other racial background who share in this singleness.  Oddly enough they don't seem to be too pressed to get a ball and chain around their ankles. So why all the pressure for us? 

Yes, i think building healthy relationships are important, but on my list, getting married @ 27, having kids @ 28, and being miserable @ 29 are not my top priorities.  i have goals, dreams  and ambitions, and i intend to make the most of my singleness.  i plan on enjoying the fact that i can get up, hop on a plane to Fiji, and not have to find a babysitter, or check with my hubby's schedule.

Most of my married friends/mentors, encourage me to take my time; to enjoy my selfish  time, bcs. in due season, my prince will come, and long gone will be the days of impromptu trips.

so to all my single ladies, enjoy it. Hell we're in our late 20's not @ death's door.

nu year nu you

Sunday, June 19, 2011

the time Traveller's wife



This summer is the summer of travel! Even though i live in Japan, i haven't really travelled much. I'm kicking my summer off with a trip to Osaka. i'll spend a full day @ Universal Studios Japan. Next i'm hitting up Okinawa, for fun in the sand. Then i'm home,Dallas, TX (benz and lexus), but only for a few dayz bcz. next is NYC. this is my 1st trip to the Big Apple, so i want to make a solid impression. i'm ending my summer in Nashville, TN!!!






i've been packing up, and throwing things away. i'm ready to get on with things; then i feel like i'll miss ol Nihon. bittersweet






nu year nu yu!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

getting to the root...

While sitting in my Japanese class today, i began wondering why i had no interest in learning the language. i then began to think of other languages that i might be remotely interested in learning, and drew a blank.

The reason, i have no cultural ties to any of the languages i thought i was interested in learning. before moving to Japan, i didn't rush out to buy the latest One Piece manga, or dust off my old college Japanese books. Yes, i'd always been interested in 'visiting' Japan, but honestly in my original plan, i did not live here. Am i grateful for the experience, yes. Do i respect the culture, language, and traditions, yes. But these things are not tied to me.

Many scholars on African American History and culture, have theorized that blacks in America, are far removed from their 'roots', and this disassociation has led to cultural confusion. Why? Almost all immigrants to America, can trace their roots, history, lineage to another country. They have their own languages and traditions that are associated with their country of origin (or family country of origin)

Very few groups, look down their family line, and hit a dead end, but this is the reality for most Black Americans. my knowledge of my family history stops at my great grandmother. Can you imagine how much i'm missing out on.

i've always been interested in my family roots, i was the grandchild that spent summers with my grandmother and great aunts asking questions, and begging for more stories. And this is precisely what i have decided venture further into. MY FAMILY. no we don't have a language that i can claim to be ours, but we are connected.

i know this journey will take a long time, and i look forward to unveiling my roots.

one day at a time

Saturday, May 28, 2011

forward movement

i might just be the worlds worse blogger. so yea what's new with me. Only a little over a month and a half left in Japan, and honestly i'm really excited. i feel like i came here with no expectations, which allowed me to be open to everything (good and bad).

i'm working on a book about my experiences here. i think this book will be a fresh look at what its like living abroad for people of color. i'm researching other books that fall along the same line, but i haven't found many. i think part of it is because not many black Americans live abroad. Don't get me wrong, there are quite a few, but outside the military, i haven't met many black americans LIVING here.

i decided to really/seriously write the book after i read 4pgs. of "eat pray love" i felt that if this 30+ year old lady can write about being eating, and praying, while being celibate, and people flock to read this, that i've got to have a shot. Especially bcs. my stories are coming from a completely different outlook.

how does the world look to a 20something black girl from TX? well you'll find out.

i want to cont. living in other countries, so i can get a wider understanding and exposure to the world. so world...bring it on

peace 7 love

Sunday, April 17, 2011

"someone like you"

i am a music junky. its safe to say my only addictions are my personal relationship with Jesus Christ, my family/friends, and music. i'm the person at any concert who chooses to stand directly in front of the speakers, bcs. i can feel the music better. there are times, i just sit and listen to music and cry, not bcs. something is wrong, but just bcs. music speaks to the heart and soul of me. There are few artist that capture the essence of what music truly is. That is exactly how i feel listening to ADELE; she is pure, unadulterated, out of body experience music. when an artist has the ability to change the mood of the soul, that is true God given talent.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Yesterday...

so tomorrow, i'll hop on a plane, and head back to Japan. i have mixed feelings about my return. on the one hand, i miss the girls, and can't wait to stack some cash; on the other, the concerns of my friends/family is weighing a ton, i don't want to deal with my crappy boss, and there was another eq yesterday. Plus, i really don't want to be back in the triple-D yet. I've listened to everyone's thoughts/concerns/suggestions. i've contacted the U.S. Embassy, the JET program, and the other ALT's there. @ first i was confident in my decision. i prayed for guidance, and felt a peace; until the 2nd quake hit, and put me right back on March 11. am i concerned for my safety? YES. do i feel that if i return i will be in any grave danger? NO and its only 3more months. 3 more months of kids and krazies. uuuggggghhh. this whole process has been stressful and both physically adn emotionally draining. well gotta fly.... new year, new me

Sunday, March 27, 2011

wait, wait, wait...

Waiting...not my favorite thing to do. i know this is something that is crucial to not only my walk with Christ, but to life in general. The problem is, God's time is nowhere near something that i can comprehend.
There are things, that i want/things i feel like i need, and i've prayed about them...so now i must wait. SWEET BABY JESUS HOW AM i SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

trying to do this, but this is straining, frustrating, and gut wrenching.

new year new you

Friday, March 11, 2011

shaken up

so a massive earthquake hit Japan today. as i'm writing, we are still experiencing aftershocks. since living here i've experienced a few earthquakes, but nothing like this. This afternoon, was pure pandemoneum, as students were screaming, crying, clinging, and running.

At first, i wasn't concerned, but after watching the news (while @ school) i realized how serious this was. a pipe line for the swimming pool busted, and water gushed into the courtyard. In they gym, lights fell from the ceiling, as well as the very frame of the gym, was warped. The san nenseis had just practiced for graduation, there this morning. Now we are not sure where the ceremony will be held.

At other schools, news of multiple broken windows, students injured by falling debris, were just a few signs of the magnitude of this event.

Tsunami's over 10meters(32.8 ft.), were reported. i live in Chiba prefecture and on the coast we are exptected to get tsunami waves as high as 4m (13.1ft.) high.

please keep Japan in your thoughts and prayers.
thank you

Monday, February 28, 2011

fab birthday

This weekend i celebrated my 27th birthday. wow time flies. did it up Japanese style, with dinner and drinks @ an izakaya (dk how to spell that). then dressed up in my minnie mouse costume, for all night karaoke! great times.

the next morning it hit me, i'm 3 years away from 30 geesh. i began to think about how many things did i continue to put off. well time waits for noone; so i've decided to begin writing my children's books. i've always wanted to and have started quite a few, but in three years i want to be published. new year, new goals!

growing up takes time, but noone knows how much they've got.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Today was a good day...

All in all today was pretty great! i had all ninth grade classes ( i love my san nenseis), and today, it was their turn to be teacher. All the groups, had to come up with words, that they felt would be important to know, if they were in a new country.

there were things like:
where is the bathroom?
what time is it?
that guy is so handsome?
i'm depressed?
(and my fave) i'm tired and i need a drink NOW!

to top it off, when i left school the sun was shining, and it wasn't freezing outside, i didn't even need a coat!
aaaahhh the good days!

new year new you

Sunday, February 13, 2011

new school

so my new school is smaller. i went from 19 total classes to 9. The students here are from lower income homes, but i've found that overall they're just as sweet.
My ninth graders are golden, yes i have few who have no interest in learning English, but for the majority, they all study hard, and do their best.
My 8th graders, not angels, but it could be far worse. my 7th graders, are cute, i have a few attention seekers, but usually a stern warning, and a strong voice calms them down.

i like this school, the smaller class rooms, and fewer classes, really make a difference, in how i can interact with the students.

my commute has tripled, but i cant complain too much, i've lost even more weight, and will be changing school mid-March.

All in all good start to the year, minus the horrific weather, anyone who knows me knows i HATE the cold, so keeping a smile on my face has been a little more difficult.

new year new u!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

new year, good-bye

slacking is not even the word to describe how i've treated my blogging. so i made it to 6mos. and honestly, i'm worn out. living abroad is fun, but if you're close to your family it takes a toll on you. i went home early for Christmas, bcs. my mom was in the hospital. that was my biggest fear in moving here, that something would happen to my family, and i wouldn't be able to get to them.
and its for that reason, that i've decided to not recontract for a 2nd term.

i think you really have to be in love with a place to move there long-term, or really hate your alternative options, and as i have experience neither, i feel that its time to move on.

i believe, i was here to learn more about myself, the world, meet new people, and figure out where my life is headed. and i've accomplished all that and more.

i 've been writing everything in a journal, and will update the blog with those entries.

next on my list of things to conquer, yes i said conquer, is grad school. i have a renewed energy, and zeal for my education, and Japan, had a lot to do with that.

moving forward!